“We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days“.

Not mine and not new but still relevant.

Checking out at the supermarket recently, the young cashier suggested I should bring my own bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. I apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days“.

The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations“.

She was right about one thing–our generation didn’t have the green thing in “Our” day. So what did we have back then? After some reflection and soul-searching on “Our” day, here’s what I remembered we did have….

Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles repeatedly. So they really were recycled. But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s nappies because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 240 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of Wales. In the kitchen, we blended & stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right. We didn’t have the green thing back then.

We drank from a water fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?

Understanding the Haynes book (aka Manual)

Understanding the Haynes book of lies (aka Manual)
 


Haynes Manual's Explained

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7…
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry…
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into…

Haynes: Undo…
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring…
Translation: PINGGGG – "Jesus, where the hell did that go?"

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb…
Translation: OK – that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a band-aid or two).

Haynes: Lightly…
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Weekly checks…
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.

Haynes: Routine maintenance…
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned.

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: An infant could do this… so how did you manage to **** it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number… but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your motor bike for a couple of days.

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK – but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this…
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha.

Haynes: Compress…
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some visegrips and a hammer…

Haynes: Inspect…
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"

Haynes: Carefully…
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Haynes: Retaining nut…
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant…
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs…
Translation: Snap off…

Haynes: Using a suitable drift…
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat…
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.

Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work we go….

Well the festive season has gone. The last mince pie eaten and the alarm at some ungodly hour goes off. Like a  lot of people I have had a cold over  the festive season. Normally colds etc are just a minor problem. These days however due to the meds I am now on, they present more of a problem.

Anyway back at work I am. Hot 'cold remedies'  at the ready!

As some of you know. I work at a local High School, We have changed to become an academy. Basically as far as I can see the only differance (apart from name/logo etc) is that we have a sponsor. In our case Chester University.

The idea being that we can 'tap into' their reasources and experience to enhance our school. This seems to be the trend in the UK and I think that it will have benifits for us.

Now I don't know about you, but we are nearly always  rushing to get ready for Christmas. This year was an exception. We had everything done and were sat there thinking 'what have we missed'? lol.

After the new year, I am always wanting to get the decorations down and 'spring clean'. to me its a new year so a fresh start.. But we do wait for 'twelth night' before taking the tree down.

New years resolutions?

 Well yes I have  made a few, but to be honest, they are things I was going to do anyway.

2011 was a strange year. I had some very good times, but some very low times also. I am still grieving for my mother, two years on.

The thing with grief, you can tell yourself anything you want logically and common sense wise. But it does not follow either.

Time will heal.

Well I have managed to NOT put a load of weight on over xmas so thats a good start. I have an ECG and ultrasound on my heart this week to see if this condition I have (and had for the last 20+ years but they have only just diagnosed!!) has done any damage to my heart.

Next week, I go for a 'hi res' MRI to see if I have a tumor on either of my adreanal glands (causing the hyperaldostoneism). If that is the case then it can be removed and everything should be fine.

If there isn't then its a genetic thing and I 'keep taking the tablets' lol

Ah well back to work…….

Alan

Merry Christmas!

Wishing everyone a very merry holiday, what ever you faith/beliefs are.Turn off that computer and go and enjoy someones company.If you don't know anyone, then use this opertunity to make new friends. Have you spoken more then two words to you neighbours?NOW IS THE TIME

Alan

xxxx

Christmas Fayre at Little Moreton Hall

Last Sunday, we went to one of the special events that are held throughout the year at Little Moreton hall (website). This time it was Christmas Fayre.

In the ground floor rooms were various displays of typical food and presents from the Elizabethan times. Here are some examples.

 

 

 

 

To add to the festive atmosphere, there was a quartet of musicians called Piva.

 

 

As with a lot of National Trust places, they do not allow flash photography (although I seemed to be the only one obeying that rule!), so some of the pictures are not as good as I would like.

The restaurant at LMH is fantastic. They do not do full hot meals, but things like soup,sandwiches, cakes etc. BUT I would put there menu up against any pub grub for quality any time!

The quality is top notch. We  had for lunch a pork batch with apple source and salad (mmm) . They do not skimp on the meat!

We followed that later (couldn't resist lol) with a minced pie and some (for me as I wasn't the driver) mulled wine. Best I have ever had!!

Piva are there again next Sunday (18th) and there is a soloist on the Saturday.

We expected to be there for about one hour. We spent from when they opened to 3:30PM!

The people who dress up and tell you about the various exhibits are very knowledgable people. It is always a pleasure talking to them.

So if you have a National Trust place near you, why not see if they are putting on any events?

You may find that you have a really good time.

Alan

 

 

 

 

 

Many a word spoken in jest!!

The squirrel and the Grasshopper

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

————————————————————————

THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.

A protestor rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

Birthdays galore!

Its been a little while since my last post. Suzanna and I have both had our birthdays. Suzanna'a was on the 16th and mine on the 26th.

We normally celibrate the two at the weekend between the two birthdays.

So we went to a Restraunt at Cheshire Oaks Ellsmere Port called Nandos.

Deborah, Mark, Lisa and Tom all came along. We had a great meal and really enjoyed a family get together.

Now on my actual birthday, Suzanna had a stall at a local beauty fair for her business. It was unfortunate, but that was how it fell.

So I helped man the stall all day. The day was very busy and successfull. For a more coplete review, go to Suzanna's blog (TFH).

Today would be my mothers birthday (three days after mine). She died in 2009 and is still badly missed. Everyone in the family is thinking of Christmas and when I was younger I would be excited about the comming holday.

These days, I am glad of a rest and time to 'catch my breath'.This year has just flown past but at least the weather is mild. I am still sat here at work in a short sleved shirt(my office opens out to the outside).

I must admit to being rather 'melencholic' at the moment, for various reasons, My parents are both dead and their birthdays were both in this month. I 'feel' old., I am tired probably due to my blood pressure meds changing (yet again!) and this time they actually seem to be doing something. I started to think of all those 'projects' I/we have waiting to be started/worked on/finished,and realised that a lot of them are just never going to happen. Time to have a clear out.

What will my children keep of our stuff when we are gone? what is worth saving to pass on the them?

Don't get me wrong, I am not thinking of 'cashing my chips in' just yet lol, But I did start to wonder just what that we have will just end up down the charity shop or in a skip?

When we cleared out my mothers bungalow, a lot of the  stuff did end up down the charity shops and the local skip (furniture that was not wanted or valuable). The main things that were kept were the family photos, some jewelry and information.

So of the 'material good' she owned, a lot was not wanted. You see thats the thing. We are all inour middle age and have grown up children (and some with grand children), and we have our own stuff. Houses, furniture etc. So we were not reallywanting any.

So remembering the amount of work it took all three of us (and more) to sort through things, I have decided that things I no longer need/want/would likely be wanted by our children is going!

I am and have always been somewhat of a 'horder/squirrel' So as you can imagine, I have a lot of stuff to clear out lol.

It will take time (probably many years), but I do not want to give my children the trouble of knowing what to do with collections and things that they hadly know what they are let alone what to do with them.

It all sounds sad and morbid. but you kow its actually quite 'uplifting' as well. It feels like I will take a great weight off my sholders.

Imperial War Museum Manchester

Yesterday I visited The Imperial War Museum, Manchester.

 

 

 

A very interesting museum with many items on display.  What I didn't expect was a 'son et lumiere' type audio visual show in the middle of the building, being shone onto every wall.  A thought provoking visit and well worth going to; suitable for adults and children over 12 years old.  Here is a photograph of one of the light show pictures that I took.  The poppy was about 10 feet tall and high up on a wall:

Mike Harding

Last night we went to the Crewe Lyceum Theatre to see a great comedian, author and folk musician, Mike Harding.

Mike has not toured for about fifteen years. But has lost non of his wit, enthusiasm on stage presence.

The theatre was full and everyone was rolling in the isles. The tickets were a steal at £15 each, Well worth the cost.

Mike is an acomplished author spanning many years. Here is a list of his books.

 

 
1976 Napoleons Retreat From Wigan   EMI Music Ltd
1979 The Unluckiest Man in the World   Robson
1979 The Singing Street   Moonraker
1979 The Witch That Nicked Christmas    
1980 Folk Songs of Lancashire   Whitethorn
1980 Fur Coat and No Knickers (Play)   Samuel French
1980 Barnaby Barnaby Boy Wonder   Robson
1980 The 14 lb Budgie   Robson
1980 Up The Boo Aye Shooting Pookakis   Savoy
1981 The Armchair Anarchist’s Almanac   Robson
1981 One Night Stand (Play)    
1981 Hell Bent (Play)    
1982 Dead Ernest (Play)    
1983 Not With A Bang (Play)   Samuel French
1983 Killer Budgies   Robson
1984 When The Martians Land in Huddersfield   Robson
1985 You Can See The Angel’s Bum, Miss Worswick   Robson
1986 Rambling On   Robson
1987 Walking The Dales   Michael Joseph
1987 Bomber’s Moon   Michael Joseph
1988 Cooking One’s Corgi   Robson
1989 Footloose in the Himalaya   Michael Joseph
1990 Last Tango in Whitby (Play)   Samuel French
1992 A Free Man on Sunday (Play)    
1992 Daddy Edgar’s Pools   Peterloo Poets
1992 Walking the Peak and Pennine   Michael Joseph
1993 The Virgin of the Discos   Robson
1995 Hypnotising the Cat   Robson
1995 Buns For The Elephants   Penguin Viking
1996 Footloose in the West of Ireland   Michael Joseph
1997 Crystal Set Dreams   Peterloo Poets
1997 Comfort and Joy (Play)   Samuel French
1998 A Little Book of the Green Man   Aurum Press
1998 A Little Book of Gargoyles   Aurum Press
1998 A Little Book of Stained Glass   Aurum Press
1998 A Little Book of Misericords   Aurum Press
2005 Yorkshire Transvestite Found Dead On Everest   Hayloft
2008 A Little Book of Angels   Aurum Press
2008 A Little Book of Devils & Demons   Aurum Press
2008 A Little Book of Miracles & Marvels   Aurum Press
2008 A Little Book of Tombs & Monuments   Aurum Press
2009 Strange Lights over Bexleyheath   Luath Press
2009 A Guide to North Country Flies    
 

At the end of the show we bought some CD's and DVD's of his to replace the well worn tapes we have. Mike did a signing and I managed to have a little chat with him. There was non of this 'sign and move on' stuff you get with some celebrities. No a very approachable person.

Whilst he was signing, he told us about a special picture that is used on the cover of his CD called Bombers Moon. The picture was sent to him and is a picture of the actual bomber that his Father was killed in during the war.

The original picture he has hung up at home.

So we add to that two really nice parties (one my niece's Sons second birthday) on the Saturday and you can see, we had a fun filled weekend!

Go and see Mike Harding if you get chance. He's a laugh a minute, as a comedian, and his serious side is pure quality too.

I for one am very glad that he has decided to tour again and will be eagerly waiting for more tour dates.

Mike Harding at a signing